Friday 5: Sh*t from My iPhone

Bought my animal a pricey ass new bed, since she about outgrew her old one.
She could give a rat's ass really enjoys watching it from afar.
Xmas stripes + plaid are way more in anyway, chevron was so Pinterest 2013

Enjoying a little Rum Chatta nightcap.
(my box of wine doesn't fit in our wine rack... shame)

As opposed to the repeat customers...
I pulled over to snap this, in the snow, and also to clean my windshield with a snowball.
Because that's how you roll in the Midwest.

A little "awwww" to warm your day: finally got to meet my faux-niece Emmeline after a great visit with her parents!

Met up with friends for dinner in Atlanta when I flew in on business.
They were superrr happy to see me.

The "Lifestyle": Are You In It?

I read an article was watching Kathy Lee & Hoda and they were discussing the many ways to indicate to your neighbors/ creepers/ public audience that you are, in fact, of "the lifestyle" variety.  You may be wondering what "the lifestyle" entails.

Swinging, my friends.  And not the playground kind.  

Apparently having a lifestyle, or living any kind of life that may incorporate the word style afterwards opens you up to plethora exciting opportunities - all of which include more than one other person in the bedroom.  Some of the things they were saying made total sense, like having white rocks around your mailbox.  Others I just shook my head at, like an ankle bracelet.  Unless you are Lindsay Lohan (is that still a relevant reference?  I'm so old.) or escaping from someplace, lifestyle bandwagon or not, that ain't a good idea kiddies.

Which brings me to my point.  Apparently that article late-morning-weekday-PJ-fest so ingrained this idea in my head that I found myself snickering at these poor saps in my neighborhood who likely just wanted to celebrate UGA with a silly couple of plastic flamingos.  Suckerssss that is totally one of the signs!  

But maybe they knew that... maybe they are living it up in a freedom kinda lifestyle!  

Maybe they're gypsies too!  Like The Riches!

I'm the only one I know who watched half this season...  I thought it was good!

Oh the crazy things I thought about after that on my little dog walk.  I mean, who really knows their neighbors??  What if I'm the only bland, blase, lifestyle-less person on my block?  Here I am, minding my own business with my fancy terrier and there is a whole street of crazy happening all around me!  

Regardless, take a look at these and then check out your ankle and your mailbox - apparently the next time the UPS man rings your bell he may be ... so many package jokes that I can't bring myself to write.  Sorry Grandma.

Today Show Segment

1.  Put a pineapple upside down in your shopping cart

2.  Wear an anklet on your right ankle, or a thumb ring or a toe ring

3.  Switch your wedding ring to the right hand

4.  Put white stones in your landscaping in your front lawn

5.  Get a yin-yang tattoo

Turns out I may have made up the flamingo sign.  Either that or I've been paying way too much attention to my neighbors lawns, hoping for a swinger I can judge.

I found this gem while hunting down the "lifestyle signs"

Tymber... please enlighten us regarding your swinging friends!  

And please tell me rasta-unicorn hairstyles are one of them.

My First Link-Up: Someday I Will...

First let's get this party started with a good 'ole WTF.  WTF is a Link Up?

Link-Up: (LU?) - when someone much more clever than I comes up with a super snazztastic theme and those of us less clever Bloggerinas copy the idea and make it their own.  A blog theme!  I have heard about these, seen these online before, and never been as thoroughly amused as the one I found today, thanks to Two Thirds Hazel whose own post legit made me LOL and The Daily Tay, who made the thing up.
 
Has anyone else noticed that LOL is coming back?  Similar note: my future cousin-in-law sent me a Snapchat of an AOL CD she received in the mail today?  There's a lot of pop culture happening in this sentence...
 
This one in particular is kind of like one of those email chains we all used to go bananas for, where you answer 43.2 nearly embarrassing, or faux-enlightening questions in an email and then forward it around to as many addresses as you can find, hoping someone, SOMEONE will respond back that they, in fact, have a crush on you!  Romance, ladies and gents.  Middle school romance.

Without further a do...
 
1.  Someday I will... get out of bed without perusing every Ruelala, Gilt and One King's Lane app looking for a "steal" on something I already have, cannot afford and do not need.  My name has changed, and so must the Jew-itis.
 
2.  Someday I will... follow through on my sometimes-morning declaration that today! should be a sober day.

3.  Someday I will... look up the meaning of denial and investigate that spa Lindsay Lohan keeps hanging out at...

4.  Someday I will... have enough shoes.

 

 

5.  Someday I will... admit to the Hubs how horribly I've failed #4 and divulge my secret shoe closet behind my secret trap door accessed only through the laundry room via a size 5 shoe laser identifier thingamabob.

6.  Someday I will... stop acting horrified and surprised when my knees start to kill after I've been sitting with my legs tucked up underneath me for more than 20 minutes.  Mom warned me about this decades ago.

7.  Someday I will... embrace the Hubs' smelliness (in his terms "respect the scent")...  False.  What a crock.  A gross ass crock.

8. Someday I will... shower more often than when it just becomes "obvious."

9. Someday I will... stop cracking up every time anyone says the word duty... you know you can't help it either!

10. Someday I will... not have to follow a salty snack with a sweet one... then a salty one... then a sweet one...

11. Someday I will... stop collecting girl friends who need saving and start collecting girl friends who just need girl friends (that was a deep one).

12. Someday I will... spell friend without having to say "fri-end" in my head.


Lucky You, Hubs wants to Guest Blog:
**. Someday he will... invent an anti-turd-backsplash-device and market it to the masses.  He will call this "H2No."  Write it down.  Act now and two turd thwarters can be yours! 

He has now taken this theme Broadway, and is singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" substituting "You're Just Too Good for My Poo" where appropriate.   My husband.

WTFashion

I am by no means any kind of authority on fashion.  I typically hop on trends only after they've made it to year #2.  I once proclaimed I wouldn't be caught DEAD in a pair of pointy-toe heels.  I don't think I own anything else now.  I DO own some sweet over-the-knee hooker heels... that may have been one I jumped on too quickly...

But seriously.  WTF is going on with some of these things this season?  Neon leather pants?  And Ralph Lauren decided he'd sew them up the side in case they weren't ridiculous enough?  I totally had a pair of these, with monster bell bottoms in a fake jean material from my local Belk... in 1997.  

Oh, and they're $1,300.  Naturally.

One of my favorite terms from that Joan Rivers show Fashion Police: FASHOLE.  If you wear any these, you are no longer my friend.  You are wearing your fashole loud and proud and I encourage you to seek out Atlanta's faux-lebrity Baton Bob for your next wardrobe suggestions.

Good for hiding public poots?
At least you know you got your money's worth from the extra fabric. 

I can only imagine Cabotine is French for Kale.  Eau de Broccoli.

Everyone loves a good nip-slip, but paired with your dad's boxers... it just seems sad.
Still trying to figure out what happened to those sunglasses... Bad Cavalli.  Bad.

Parents need not worry about her celibacy.

  

Still not worried, even though now you've got us convinced you forgot your shirt:

What Spring 2013 trends are you too terrified to touch?