WTFashion

I am by no means any kind of authority on fashion.  I typically hop on trends only after they've made it to year #2.  I once proclaimed I wouldn't be caught DEAD in a pair of pointy-toe heels.  I don't think I own anything else now.  I DO own some sweet over-the-knee hooker heels... that may have been one I jumped on too quickly...

But seriously.  WTF is going on with some of these things this season?  Neon leather pants?  And Ralph Lauren decided he'd sew them up the side in case they weren't ridiculous enough?  I totally had a pair of these, with monster bell bottoms in a fake jean material from my local Belk... in 1997.  

Oh, and they're $1,300.  Naturally.

One of my favorite terms from that Joan Rivers show Fashion Police: FASHOLE.  If you wear any these, you are no longer my friend.  You are wearing your fashole loud and proud and I encourage you to seek out Atlanta's faux-lebrity Baton Bob for your next wardrobe suggestions.

Good for hiding public poots?
At least you know you got your money's worth from the extra fabric. 

I can only imagine Cabotine is French for Kale.  Eau de Broccoli.

Everyone loves a good nip-slip, but paired with your dad's boxers... it just seems sad.
Still trying to figure out what happened to those sunglasses... Bad Cavalli.  Bad.

Parents need not worry about her celibacy.

  

Still not worried, even though now you've got us convinced you forgot your shirt:

What Spring 2013 trends are you too terrified to touch?

Finally Time to Resolute

I never make resolutions because, frankly, I never keep them except when it's convenient.   But I've had a month to think about it and I'm ready to commit!

1. Better skin care regimen - hotel sheets and travel stress are doing me no favors 
(inspiration from @CamilleStyles article on @SkinOwl: http://camillestyles.com/life-2/embracing-your-best-self-annie-of-skinowl/?slide=5#slideshow)

2. Tune in to current events - faux newsy Facebook and CNN twitter blasts don't count

3. Read a non fiction book - maybe 2, but I'm thinking my honeymoon reads will likely be at a 16-year-old reading level...  P is well read and I'm jealous

4. De-poochy by making healthier food choices - less prosciutto sammies, more greens.  And admit that salad doesn't count if all I do is pick off the good toppings...

5. Eat fish at least once a week - lobster drenched in butter, or that escargot I discussed from Chez Fonfon is clearly considered cheating

6. DIY that damn nailhead trim headboard already - http://www.designingbynumbers.com/2011/08/nailed-it.html

7. Quit the gross cuticle/nail picking when stressed - I was just doing it while re-reading this, that took all of 4 minutes to break

8. Grow up and send cards to people, especially the GPs - not just thank-you ones that all start off "Thank you so much for the..."

9. Figure out whether calling out Twitter people on here has any effect - I suspect that I look like an amateur 8th grader throwing around @s like no big thang

10. Get a blog follower.  - just one of you little people has to think this is mildlyyyy interesting to read while on the toilet... maybe?  Likely not... that's what Garden & Gun and/or Scramble w Friends is for.

11. Get MURRIED! - without tripping, puking or otherwise making a total ass of myself.  Except on the dance floor, where it is not only encouraged, but expected.

12. Successfully throw a dinner party - with correct timing and little party favors and the whole nine.  Maybe one of these "large format" ones with a big ole wine jeroboam and everything: http://www.foodandwine.com/articles/the-supersize-dinner-party

13. Figure out what to do with our disaster of a backyard - not so lovingly nicknamed the Pit of Despair. 

There you have it.  I'll check back in 6 months and see how many of these I actually accomplished!  I better at least get that married one done :)

Wine-O Wednesday: Ken Wright

Ken Wright Cellers offers a really great, reasonably priced Pinot noir.  Their 8 vineyards run throughout northern Oregon and all get consistently good reviews online.  I had the Canary Hill on this particularly lovely evening.

I tried this in Birmingham at Chez Fonfon, which is a great place with upscale French bistro-style cuisine.  Bombshell escargot (seriously, you can't go wrong with escargot... it's an unidentifiable chewy something drenched in butter and smothered in cheese...).  Their menu changes weekly (even online!) and is really playful for Birmingham.  Includes fun things like duck confit, southernized charcuterie, and great daily seafood specials.  I should save this for a Birmingham Bites session...  I last had grilled scallops with a blood orange, pistachio and fennel relish suggested by the waitress and I could've eaten a second one.  Movingggg on:

The website describes the Canary Hill as "Fruit focused (blueberries and cherries), with a modest structure, light tannins and bright acidity." 

I found it very light and fruity with almost no bite/spice to it.  Didn't quite go with my scallops, but that's what my French 75 was for :)  Oui oui!

Hoarders: Condiment Episode

Is this just a personal problem of my fiance's, or do most couples run into this ridiculousness?

You are eye-balling FOUR types of A-1 and SIX types of mustard.  With repeats.  And I don't like or use any of the above, so that's all for one person...  So gross.  AND we just moved in 7 months ago, so this is recent hoarding going on - this shiz was not transported from our previous abode!!

As you can see, I have at least organized the madness.  If I tell P "don't get any more A1!" all he remembers is I said something about A1 and boom - we get another crappy squeeze bottle of nasty flavoring.  

The Curse of the Mini Feet

I've managed to convince myself I should probably have a whole new collection of Resort items for our honeymoon... At least on Pinterest and my blog.

Starting with shoes.  Fun, colorful, sexy and divine resort-appropriate flippity floppities.

I was devastated to find that these Dolce Vita Archers don't come in less than a 6.  So devastated I wrote them a letter.  Occasionally the Jew in me takes over.  And by occasionally, I mean whenever there is a deal/sale/steal to be had, especially when I have been bamboozled.  In this case, said bamboozling came via zappos.com.  I searched high and low for these babies - honestly any of the 4 below would do, but especially the nautical striped ones and the turquoise/zebra puppies.  Zappos said they had them.  In a 5.  All of them.  Until you commit to adding them to your bag.  I COMMITTED.  Then "whoops - not available - please choose another color."  Except it happens with every color.  I was led astray.  I shed a tear.  


It happens all the time.  I am constantly punished for my midgety petite feet. Just because I can still fit in those plastic bedazzled heels that come in cardboard purple chests (you know, the pre-k prom ones) doesn't mean I don't like pretty big girl shoesies.  Here are some more pretty shoes - mint and peachy, just in time for this season from Sam Edelman:

Guess what size they don't have them in.  Correct.  Only colors available in 5 were black and silver.  The boring ones.

There is a rumor that small feet girls get "all the good sales items."  Let me dis-spell this once and for all.  The crap on those shelves is from last season - 2 years ago.  It's been collecting dust since Aunt Mildred thought Crocs were the next big thing.  And in her demographic... they were.

I have literally gone into malls - entire malls (and I have witnesses) and asked them to bring all their 5s to me to let me see if anything is satisfactory.  3 pairs of hodge podge later (a cowboy boot - just one, flip flops and some glitter heels), I always leave empty handed - drooling over the Michael Kors, the BCBGs, and -sad to say- the Jessica Simpsons I could add to my collection of unique artifacts if only my poor little feet would grow.  

You hookers and your size 8 boats don't know how good you've got it.