Friday, January 24, 2014

Crazy Ass Cabbette

Bright eyed and bushy tailed, I was out the door to my cab at 5:30am Monday morning. I should've known something was amiss when the cabbie was parked in the middle of the street, as if I could be strolling out of Ruth's Chris instead of the apartments. She got right to the point - she was tired, she was out of gas, and she'd like to have my autograph because her boss told her I was famous. 

The conversation moved on quickly after I assured her I was not making 30 minute eggs in the backseat, to more political topics like the streetcars coming to Cincy. "Why is one going in the ghetto?", she asked. Then, using her best vocal range, she proceeded to mimic a crackhead with a needle, a tranny holding a man's hand and a prostitute, all on one street car, all upsetting her faux child Marie. Valid points. 

We moved on - now she was asking me if I get more attention with long hair or short hair. She has grown hers out natural, but it's braided and she doesn't want the wrong attention. She's waiting till her boyfriend gets out of jail - he's been locked up 2 years, one year left - and then she's going to get her hair relaxed. She is very sexually frustrated, even with the video visits they're allowed to have every 30 min. "I go off on him about the slightest things and then "ughhhh" you know?"

I know, lady. I do.

Now we've moved on to celebrities: Beyoncé is getting all naked these days. Talking about surfing like she's in California. Talking about her sex life in that new video... I have no idea what video she's referring to, but I did get in a good point about her long hair getting more attention than the other DC girls' back in '99.

It wasn't until the "discreet" roll down of the window in the 20 degree weather that I realized Cool Mom cabbie was a little gassy, and I needed out immediately. 

While I waited for Cool Mom Cabbette to get gas... which she later paid me back for, out of her butt.
Please note hot-wired meter... 


  1. That is quite the adventure. I don't even know what to think after all that! Except that maybe I'd want to take a shower when I got out of that cab ASAP

  2. Bahahahahahahah!!!!!! I've had some weird cab rides but none that top THIS!


Gimme some love!