Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Curse of the Mini Feet

I've managed to convince myself I should probably have a whole new collection of Resort items for our honeymoon... At least on Pinterest and my blog.

Starting with shoes.  Fun, colorful, sexy and divine resort-appropriate flippity floppities.

I was devastated to find that these Dolce Vita Archers don't come in less than a 6.  So devastated I wrote them a letter.  Occasionally the Jew in me takes over.  And by occasionally, I mean whenever there is a deal/sale/steal to be had, especially when I have been bamboozled.  In this case, said bamboozling came via zappos.com.  I searched high and low for these babies - honestly any of the 4 below would do, but especially the nautical striped ones and the turquoise/zebra puppies.  Zappos said they had them.  In a 5.  All of them.  Until you commit to adding them to your bag.  I COMMITTED.  Then "whoops - not available - please choose another color."  Except it happens with every color.  I was led astray.  I shed a tear.  

It happens all the time.  I am constantly punished for my midgety petite feet. Just because I can still fit in those plastic bedazzled heels that come in cardboard purple chests (you know, the pre-k prom ones) doesn't mean I don't like pretty big girl shoesies.  Here are some more pretty shoes - mint and peachy, just in time for this season from Sam Edelman:

Guess what size they don't have them in.  Correct.  Only colors available in 5 were black and silver.  The boring ones.

There is a rumor that small feet girls get "all the good sales items."  Let me dis-spell this once and for all.  The crap on those shelves is from last season - 2 years ago.  It's been collecting dust since Aunt Mildred thought Crocs were the next big thing.  And in her demographic... they were.

I have literally gone into malls - entire malls (and I have witnesses) and asked them to bring all their 5s to me to let me see if anything is satisfactory.  3 pairs of hodge podge later (a cowboy boot - just one, flip flops and some glitter heels), I always leave empty handed - drooling over the Michael Kors, the BCBGs, and -sad to say- the Jessica Simpsons I could add to my collection of unique artifacts if only my poor little feet would grow.  

You hookers and your size 8 boats don't know how good you've got it.

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